Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006 - 7:26 a.m.

Now that I have finally figured out what it is that I want to do with my research, hit on something that I would rather be doing that varnishing small pieces of paper and putting them on chains with beads, I have a sneaking suspicion that I may not be funded for next year.

The evidence: they have already funded me for two years. I am done with classes. They told another person I know that they were going to be funding new students this year. The class I have been teaching has new profs, and they have picked different assistants. And I haven't heard any notification. People tell me that I should just email them and ask, but I'm afraid that if I do, the answer will be no, that I'm not funded, and then whoosh. There will go my will to research, at a time when I need to get my ass on it.

I mean, my plan this summer was to get shit done. Finish the research for my second paper and then write it up, apply for funding for next year, etc. So all I would need is one more year from the dept. But if I don't get it, will I still give a damn? Or will I retreat to the scriptorium and put telicity on the back burner? I don't really want that. I finally have some questions, and I want answers, dammit.

So, full speed ahead as long as I can. I'll just wait for them to come to me, and pretend that it will be okay. (I take this strategy a lot, sometimes it works, sometimes it fails miserably).

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