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Language Log

Sunday, Oct. 15, 2006 - 8:06 a.m.

I forgot to mention that we went and got pumpkins last weekend. I bought two of the ginormous blue hubbards. I can't roast them yet, though, because we have no fridge space.

It's amazing to me how I have just turned off my desire to do linguistics. It was the driving force in my life for how many years? And I make one decision and don't look back. I'm still pretending for the benefit of those in the department and other strangers, and they're probably wondering why I'm doing such a crappy job these days, but then again they probably haven't noticed. I'm afraid that if I suddenly realized that my work isn't going to sell and this business is not really a viable alternative after all, that I won't be able to enjoy linguistics any more at all. And there I'll be, completely screwed.

I'm too cautious. It has kept me out of a lot of available trouble throughout my life (lord knows what I would have gotten into if I hadn't been cautious!), but has also kept me from doing a lot that I should do. I should just get on with it already. Things are very good; I have a wonderful chance, circumstances are optimum, and they may not remain so forever. What if this were my only chance?

Not that I still need to convince myself. I just have this fear of the unknown that won't go away.

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