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Saturday, Feb. 06, 2010 - 9:59 a.m.

Second worktable cleaned off! Progress, progress.

Having dairy doubts these days. Spigotbottom has had a problem with, shall we say, excess fussiness at mealtimes-- her mealtimes, not mine, so it's been harrowing. It is wretched to have your infant acting as though you're torturing her by repeatedly inserting your nipple into her mouth. Such screaming, pushing away, pulling back head, turning red until yuou think she's going to pop a gasket....anyway, it hasn't been pleasant. Needless to say we've been desperately searching for the source of the problem. Gas? Reflux? Too much milk? She hates me? (J assures me it isn't the latter, but sometimes I admit I wonder). Anyway, on the "gassy?" line of thinking, I've been reducing my dairy intake, just in case. I haven't completely eliminated it for two weeks (apparently I don't love our daughter quite enough to give up the tablespoon of skim milk in my morning tea), which is what I'd need to do in order to move towards actually isolating it as a cause, but I have gone to virtually no milk or cream, and only the smallest quantity of cheese. It is horrible, but not as horrible, it turns out, as trying to reel in the fighting daughter 12 times a day.

Anyhow, yesterday evening, night, as so far today, things have been better. Virtually no dairy for several days now. Of course, I've also changed other things (mainly, replicating with close attention to detail the nursing position that seems to be successful these days-- down to the fluffiness of the pillows and the order and angle at which they are to be placed). So is it the dairy, the pillows, or random good fortune? Technically, dairy-related grumpiness can linger for a couple of weeks...so it may not be dairy at all, and I've been denying myself for naught. But then, it might be. But I really want some damn cheese. Milk I can almost live without, but cheese!

What to do, what to do? Am I willing to risk our short-term family happiness all for a piece of cheesy toast, or Rotel dip, or cheese and crackers, or macaroni and cheese, or cheese grits, or provolone on my meatball sub, or parmesan on my pasta?

I'm sorry, I think the answer might be yes. Plus, I can't shake the self-serving-althoguh-also-true observation that I might be depriving myself of one of my favorite foods based on post-hoc-ergo-propter-hoc silliness.

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