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Wednesday, Sept. 26, 2012 - 7:36 a.m.

They do stuff like, when Q protests something, tell her chastisingly, "Be sweet!" Obviously I don't like it, but I wanted to try to let some shit go, for my own serenity.

But then last night, she got frustrated with something and was crying, then out of nowhere started clawing at her eyes and saying, "No crying! No crying!" I had to physically restrain her, telling her it was always ok to cry.

So she's a bit sensitive. It's like when we chastised her for throwing stuff, and for a while after, when she'd have a lapse, she'd start crying so hard and yelling at herself about having thrown. You'd think we'd been beating her over it or something. So it's not like I think they've been harsh. But gently shaming her for expressing her feelings.

But I can't let it pass. Self-destructive reactions like that are something I've had a habit of, too, and definitely don't want to see them taking root in her, especially so early.

Fretted most of the night about how to have this conversation with them without sticking my foot in my mouth. I have most of an idea about how to do it gently and without placing blame on anyone in particular. And it's true, for all I know it's a reaction that has arisen to a group dynamic. Everyone gathering around to stare at her and try to "fix" it whenever she cries could definitely give someone the idea that tehy're doing something wrong, even without words to that effect. But I also want to make it clear somehow that when I see someone doing something that doesn't fit with what I think will help dial this back, I am going to say something, right then and there, feelings nonwithstanding. Because I will not have my daughter ashamed about expressing her feelings. And I certainly will not have her physically hurting herself out of shame.

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