Sunday, Oct. 28, 2012 - 1:15 p.m.

I have also read that behind anger there is always a scarier (more vulnerable) emotion, like fear or sadness. I guess that's true. Mine this morning has sadness behind it. Small wonder it gets turned to anger when my sadness was always ridiculed.

I was trying not to dwell on these things. But there's a difference between dwelling unhelpfully on the past and ignoring something that's still happening.

I still don't know that I understand the difference between healthy an unhealthy expression of anger, between punching a wall, punching a pillow; between saying it calmly and not saying it at all. I want to give in to the fight-or-flight urge, and the different versions of NOT doing that all run together.

Loud music still feels cathartic; I'll go with that for now.

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