Monday, Dec. 21, 2015 - 5:56 p.m.

Last cleaner visit was today. Our house is going to be a filthy mess in 2016, but we will be saving $200 a month, so it is worth it.

I don't know if we were supposed to give them a bonus or something, but we didn't. I gave them a 6 pack of Diet Coke we bought for the party and no one wanted. It was kinda weird. I am so relieved they will not be coming back. I hated it every time. I liked the clean house, but the whole interaction made me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with my privledge and uncomfortable because I was raised by people who clean their own damn houses. I feel like I should, too. I am relieved that now I will be.

Still eating lots of cookies. Lots left over from the party but now they are all stale but I feel like a jerk for throwing them out. All I really want are nut gems. I would eat like 10 of them right now if I had them.

On holiday cards, mil is incredulous that I am hand coloring them. "How many do you still have to do?!". I didn't want to tell her. "A lot" I said. You'd think she'd just be glad I'm sending cards. The sort of middle class life is weird to me. Nowadays it is supposed to go like this: send a card you have had printed online featuring your family. No personal note. You don't even have to address them, but send them to everyone. OR buy a pack of cards and just sign them yourself but don't write anything. OR holiday letter. This thing I am doing-- laborious, pleasurable...is not one of the options.

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