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Monday, Nov. 07, 2016 - 7:57 a.m.
Doing better today. And yesterday. Managed to get some things picked up. Maybe I will manage to apply soap and water to it today. Or vacuum. How exciting. I have comfortably low standards but at a certain point it disgusts and frustrates me.
I would love to have some time to myself, yes. "Self care!", people say. "Self-care!" And it is true that I got to go to that conference and I get to go to a concert next week, and those are fantastic and good. But I need a little something on a daily basis. When the kids are bigger and all capable of following verbal instructions (willingness to do so being a separate issue), I will have better luck. I mean, J is overworked and exhausted too, but at least he gets to walk to campus by himself. Or walk around campus by himself.
Q is hard. She hits with very little provocation. U is hard. He keeps coming at her. They go at each other, and both turn on me (or J) at random times. U will just get some weird-ass idea in his head and refuse to let go of it. He follows me around, saying the thing or making the demand louder and louder until I contradict him in which case he explodes. Though the other day in the car he was doing this and I actually got him to stop. He had wanted me to turn the car around so he could see something he had missed looking at just then, and was telling me over and over to turn the car around NOW. He had been at it for about 5 minutes when I finally said, "U, I don't know what to do for you. I am not going to turn around, and I don't know whether it's worse to keep telling you that or to not answer you. But that's the situation." and to my astonishment, he dropped it. Usually that does not work.
Anyway. I am on edge all the time, pretty much.previous next
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