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Language Log

Monday, Dec. 26, 2016 - 8:29 a.m.

Christmas was good. Everything went over well, including one thing I had altered to make perfect for U-- I was prepared for utter rejection, but he loved it and it was perfect. Only a couple minor child-related dramas.

Had a brief conversation with MIL about autism. If I were still in that group I would talk about it there, but I'm not so here I am. We were talking about my Aspie nephew. I was talking about how friendly he is etc. she mentions friends who have a child who is "really autistic" and WAIT STOP. "Really autistic? There's no such thing, just autistic." "Well I know, but..."

I haven't really wrapped my mind around the functioning labels yet because there is a need to characterize people who have a lot more trouble with everything, plus maybe low iQ, from someone like me. But the idea that aspies aren't "really autistic" was upsetting.

And then she described a friend's son who talks a lot about his areas of interest. Okay. I have a hard time pretending and doing the "poor them with all their problems" song and dance. If you want the Aspie to stop talking about the thing, tell the Aspie you want to stop talking about the thing. Sheesh.

And the other day I read a thing from an autistic issues page on how the diagnosis really does hinge on how much trouble you have as a result of your tendencies, and there I go all insecure about it again. I had had some trouble taking the online quizzes because the context one imagines for some of the questions is hard for me-- in my current life, I have few stressors. I went and took it again with a real eye toward how it is when I am working a job, without the support of J and a cozy home life...and yeah, I score higher. Am I cheating? Or remembering?

Then after dinner MIL had planned a surprise for us with the kids, which turned out to be them wearing festive hats and singing for us. Well, U backed out and Q wouldn't either and so MIL and E came and sang (E was ADORABLE in his elf hat, I might add)-- and my mom started singing too and predictably (for some of us with decent pattern recognition) Q freaked out. Eliciting eye rolls. When we went to help her it seemed it was a combination of she wasn't ready yet, she didn't want the hat but was going to get her Owlette mask, and feeling she had "ruined it all" and disappointed people. I would bet my right hand that the singing and performance context was a part of it too, but she has trouble articulating that. I just don't understand how MIL could have ever thought that was a good idea. Has she not met her granddaughter? Sure she said she would do it, she wanted to please Gammie. I'm sure she meant it. And when we thought it was simply singing aversion, it got eye rolls, but when MIL reinterpreted the upset as Q feeling she had ruined everything, it was sympathetic. Well, just don't set her up in a situation where she will disappoint herself and others because the premise is untenable. Poor Q.

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