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Language Log

Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017 - 5:17 p.m.

I made a linocut of Âû, to be printed on a shirt, possibly colored with fabric markers, and sold to the autistic community. I am rather acutely aware that my desires are at odds here: I _want_ to have one myself to wear, and to have them in my shop and the usual post promotion on FB. Yet I don't really feel like having the conversations with family about it yet. I don't really feel like they should say shit about it, but they will. They will ask my mother questions. Or my mother in law. They will ask me questions. They will say, "But you don't seem autistic at all! Everyone feels like that sometimes!" Or I will tell them about my scores on the online tests, the same tests professionals use as a component of diagnosis, and they will roll their eyes because I am not a doctor. I will send them links they will not read. And then I will get angry. Or they will ask me how I figured it out, and I can't say "It was when I was figuring out Q's deal."

But anyway I put it out there on one of the autistic FB pages I'm on and they put me in touch with the people whose symbol it is, and they like the design so I plan to do it. My reasons for wanting to do it are all positive and my reasons for not wanting to are fear-based. So as my friend Joy says, PUNCH FEAR IN THE FACE.

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