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Language Log

Monday, Mar. 20, 2017 - 5:25 p.m.

If I seem defensive, it's because the validity of my way of being in the world was attacked early and often in many subtle and. It-so-subtle ways. I want to get myself to stop criticizing and correcting my children all the time. As teaching it is ineffective. I should know.

We keep having this thing where someone maybe sees something I did in FB and they have questions and so mil calls J and he is forced to answer for me. There may or may not be such a situation unfolding now; maybe she just called for a grocery list for their visit next week. I don't know. I scatter in all directions when this happens. I don't feel like a 43 year old woman, I feel like a child. I do not like feeling like a child in this respect. It conjures up the entire dysfunction of my relationship with my mom. Resentment, defiance. What am I supposed to do? Hide myself better? Reveal more of myself than I really want to? Justify my choices? I reject all of those things. I owe no one an explanation.

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