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Language Log

Thursday, Apr. 27, 2017 - 10:06 p.m.

Some guy came by asking for work cleaning up the front yard and so I let him and his buddy do that. I am sympathetic to people who do that sort of thing. Then I paid him and paid him another 20 to do the alley, and he left to "use the bathroom at the gas station" and never came back. I am particularly embarrassed because at first I had hesitated to pay him before the work was done, and briefly explained that I had an ex who had done this for work and occasionally ripped people off. "But you're not him," I said, "and it's not fair to judge you by someone else's actions. So I will trust you." We briefly discussed how short-sighted it was to rip someone off who might have been a repeat customer. Then he ripped me off.

So it appears my trust-o-meter isn't working any better than it ever did, and to avoid this sort of thing in the future I am just going to say no to everyone, because apparently I have no ability to judge.

I never used to know how bad I am at judging people, but it is an inference I can make now with my self-diagnosis. Autistic people often are a bit gullible because we can't read people's intentions. Is that true of me as well? I have basically been very lucky, but yeah. So a categorical solution seems perfectly prudent.

Another thing where I benefit from realizing I am autistic: I never really considered myself to have sensory issues. But then, most of my life I have been able to leave if I was unhappy with something, prettt much before I realized what the source of the discomfort was. And I'm not super sensitive. But lately, with 3 kids screaming and bouncing around on the bed with me and climbing on me and touching and did I mention talking AT MAXIMUM VOLUME I do find myself getting overwhelmed. It's a whole level of input that I was never exposed to before. So I feel myself getting anxious and use a new solution: hold my ears. It helps so much. Had to do it in co-op today too because a girl was running back and forth shrieking and the acoustics were terrible and I just held my ears and it was so much better. Insights, folks. Solutions other people have work for me as well. I can just stay calmer when it isn't so loud.

Small steps.

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