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Saturday, May. 27, 2017 - 11:19 a.m.

Kind of disgruntled with things. Embossing experiencing a slowdown as I can't get another decent cyanotype of a plant. Partly because all the local plants are dead until monsoon. I feel stalled. That's ok. More worrying is a fundamental problem with the embossings themselves: up close they are amazing. From a few feet away, they look like a piece of white paper. I don't know how to market that. It makes it hard to take a photo of the whole framed piece, at an art show they wouldn't grab attention, and maybe people would not choose to buy a work if they can't tell what it is (or that it is anything) from across the room. Trying to work in color distracts from the embossing. I'm kind of stumped.

Beyond that, I'm irritated that I keep gaining weight despite having changed nothing. Natural hormonal changes as the youngest grows, I guess. From there I am annoyed that my daily life isn't the way I imagined it to be, or even how it was when I had only one small child. Getting up early to go for a walk. Going places in general. Setting up art activities and science experiments. Going to the library. Playing at the park.

Instead I feel like I cook and wash dishes all day; I can't keep up with the detritus on the floor. It gets hot too quick to walk, I spend all morning cooking and breaking up fights. If I want to walk it takes too long to get everyone ready baceause they don't want to go anyway. Then they walk so slow I am not actually getting any exercise. They claim to find books "boring" and fight me about going to the library. I can't bring myself to set up art activities because it involves too much cleaning first, and too much cleaning after, and I'm exhausted from cooking and breaking up fights all morning. It's not what I want. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Like right now, I should be cleaning.

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