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Language Log

Friday, Jun. 02, 2017 - 2:39 p.m.

Not good day today. Yelled at the kids, was a bit mean to U. I did well through some morning difficulties but then lost my shit at lunch time.

1. Changed U. Lifted him down from changing table to floor. wrong place. He spent a good half hour yelling at me to put him pajamas back on him and do the whole thing over, ending with lifting him to the bed. I said no, I am willing to put you back on table then lift you to bed but I'm not undressing you, redressing you, undressing you and redressing you first. Screaming and crying. He took his clothes off. I sat with him until he was calm and dressed him again. Go me.

2. Q playing iPad before it is time. Have her 5 minutes to finish what she wanted to work on. She wouldn't put it away and I ended up having to confiscate it, put it upstairs and lock door. It was good until her alarm went off and then she knew where it was and kept trying to get it. Finally I got it so she could turn off alarm. Ended peacefully. Go me.

3. Vacuumed the room with the nasty floor. Go me.

4. Time for lunch! U demanded chicken nuggets NOW even though not cooked. I said it would only take a few minutes but I needed to cook them. NO NOW MICROWAVE THEM. I have a bit of a trigger when the 4 year old starts yelling orders at me in the kitchen, and that's when I went *kaboom* and yelled at them to JUST GET OUT. We have a galley kitchen and there shire as shit isn't room for 4 people, three of whom are standing in the way, opening fridge door for no goddamn reason, or yelling nonsensical orders at me over and over. I threw a handful of nuggeats into the microwave. FINE, SINCE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT COOKING WE'LL MICROWAVE THEM. THEYLL BE DELICIOUS. AND YOULL EAT THEM AND I'M NOT MAKING YOU ANY MORE.

Left for my room to calm down. Had to lock door because what does he do when Mommy has just gone nuclear and leaves to calm down? Follows her and bangs and kicks on door, of course. So Calm. Much Mindful. Gentle parenting!

After a bit I come out. MOMMY I WANT YOU TO COOK THEM. What, are you sure? I thought you knew everything and that you wanted them microwaved. NO PUT THEM IN THE OVEN. . PUT THEM IN THE OVEN PUT THEM IN THE OVEN MOMMY I SAID PUT THEM IN THE OVEN PUT THEM IN THE--
Say it again.
Say it again and see what happens.
PUT THEM IN THE
I grab him and pull him to the oven and shove his face against the door. (It isn't hot). Turn light on. THERE THEY ARE. SEE. IN THE OVEN.

I leave again for another try at calming down.

5. Triumphs of patience from the morning totally cancelled. Another bad memory made. Looking forward to him telling a grandparent that I shoved his face into the oven. My credibility on "please don't yell; be kind" utterly shot again. The emptiness of apologies underlined again in red ink.

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