Monday, Jul. 24, 2017 - 9:54 p.m.

J has gone to New Zealand for 2 weeks. Wish me luck.

Having trouble discerning the line between "When someone tells you they need a break to calm down, you need to give it to them because otherwise you may push them over the edge and you could get hurt" and that being taken as permission to act out by the other party. Or when it's me, the line between begging for a break and feeling the breaking point coming, and it being a threat.

U, he just doesn't now when to quit. Q going to pretty heroic lengths to tell him stop, I need to be by myself to calm down. And then he just follows after her and keeps fucking with her until she snaps or gives up and kicks him or pushes him or whatever. On one hand, I don't want to blame the victim, and I don't want her thinking that's justified. On the other hand, little dude, have you no sense of self-preservation? Are you TRYING to get clobbered, because I can't think of a quicker way to do it.

And then when he's mean to E, I snap. Tonight he needed a fork and E was very excited to give him his blue spoon-- U's favorite. Except he wanted a fork, so naturally what do you do when someone who loves and idolizes you hands you a spoon instead of a fork? Scream in their face and scare the shit out of them, of course! And then when they leave the room, follow them and push them onto their face for good measure. Goddamn, I'm getting pissed just thinking about it. I don't even know what to do when he does that. Everything is wrong.

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