Friday, Jul. 28, 2017 - 12:47 p.m.

I don't mean to sound like I'm blaming the children for all this. They are very difficult at times, but a lot of what gets to me is totally normal kid stuff. It's me. It's just me who can't deal.

Example: we come home from playground, it's like 7:30 and I need to get dinner going asap. I am trusting kids to go play on screens for the 20 minutes this will require. Instead e comes in and asks for my water cup. I refill the cup and hand it to him. Now he starts crying and complaining because he doesn't want ice in it. I tell him it is my cup and I like ice in it; if he wants water without ice, he can get a cup with no ice and drink from that. He just keeps on about it and meanwhile JUST GO AWAY I NEED TO MAKE SUPPER becomes my predominant emotion.

I get so impatient so quickly, I know I sound so irritated with them all the time and when strangers hear me they must think I'm the biggest bitch ever. Even having to stand there and constantly acknowledge whatever the fuck it is they're talking about is a struggle sometimes. U, specifically. Q isn't a talker, E is pretty young still. U goes on and on. I find myself saying stuff like, "ok. Go away now." Not right away, but eventually. Not something I would advocate in my calmer moments, but there we are. "Get off me. Just leave me alone for a few minutes." I REALLY sympathize with Q when she yells at people because they are distracting her and she can't concentrate on what she's doing. I feel the exact same way and my own response is only marginally more socially acceptable than hers. And being socially acceptable about it doesn't necessarily get results.

*sigh*

Felt like crap yesterday early on but was remarkably functional in the evening. Not sure why, but it was a nice reminder that I can actually feel basically functional sometimes.

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