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Language Log

Friday, Jan. 05, 2018 - 3:04 p.m.

Today the plan was for the grandparents to take the kids out to lunch while J and I go to lunch by ourselves, but something touched off a nerve in U-- maybe it was when he and Q accidentally bonked heads, and when she ran away crying to be alone in her room, he insisted she had done it on purpose and then went on a campaign of trying to get into her room to fuck with her, which I had to prevent-- anyway he opposed the thing loudly enough and with sufficient ferocity that we knew J's parents couldn't handle him. We offered to bring him to where we were going to go, but he didn't want that either, of course. By the time he calmed down, E went into naptime, so they went out but we didn't.

I firmly believe that compassionate but firm is the right way with him. And true recognition over how much control we actually have over our children: less than we think. And that the whole, "you aren't complying therefore I will endeavor to make you feel increasingly shitty until you stop" thing is wrong-headed, whether that is some sort of "Consequences" or just reflexive lashing out.

And I'm in no mood to be lectured about how "he has way too much control." None at all. I get you, my son. I want you to take down that tough guy facade that I don't understand why you feel you need, but I get you.

Think I violated some kind of island constraint with that last sentence, there. Take that, NOAM.

Anyway, if most days are, "He's fine, he'll mature out of it if we can just get him through it undamaged" days, today was a "I should have called the psychologist last week" day. Between the conflict with him and the ensuing talk with J's mother, I am needing the whole damn afternoon to recover.

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