Friday, Mar. 30, 2018 - 7:30 a.m.

Then not once but twice yesterday U stuck a toy in his poopy diaper. The second time, it ended up smeared all over the floor in Q’s room as well as on several toys. He wasn’t going to tell me but I reassured him I just needed to clean it up, he wouldn’t be in trouble. When he was sure I wouldn’t be mad, he showed me.

Please let it just be a one-time thing. Please don’t let him turn into a poop-smearer, Please don’t let him turn into a poop-smearer, Please don’t let him turn into a poop-smearer....

We don’t have the energy and patience for that. In other news, I am 0.2 lbs away from officially having lost 20lbs. I would like to mention it on FB but can’t do it until the number matches exactly. Yesterday mom finally noticed. I don’t mind that she noticed, but I don’t really want to talk about it with her a whole lot especially in around the kids. “You look like you’ve lost some weight!”, she said. “It’s ok, I’m fine”, I responded. That did the trick. Flip that premise, kids. Especially because my weight loss is only ambiguously positive. It is better than the alternative, and the plummet has slowed— I’ll lose nearly a pound a day for several days, and then go a week more stable, and then plummet again. But still, it’s coming from a place of anxiety and my brain is rewarding anxiety-produced control. Oh well, whatever.

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