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Language Log

Thursday, Sept. 06, 2018 - 11:10 a.m.

Yesterday was ok.
Today was going fine and then U kept asking for something and it made me upset and I could see all my energy draining away and feel a bad time coming. You know that feeling of dread when you realize what your feared happening is in fact happening. Then I laid there and cried because I am now anticipating a long, difficult day coming instead of an ok one. I had planned to make broccoli for breakfast but instead ate leftover taco meat, cheese, and Fritos. I planned to try to work on Q’s schoolwork with her but instead I just want to lay in bed. I can’t really blame U for this, correlation is not causation. It would have been something else. It’s always something.

J is arguing that I should seek out some form of medication and I don’t want to, and I’m concerned that if I continue to write frankly about it here he will only redouble his efforts, thus making life more unpleasant for me. So there’s a pressure not to be frank about my daily struggles.

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