Monday, Feb. 25, 2019 - 6:38 p.m.

I appreciate that offer, K! I’m still thinking about it all...I read an article about how craftspeople can best use Instagram and wanted to crawl into a hole at the very mention of how much one has to interact with one’s audience. I remembered how I went into an avoidant spiral a couple weeks ago when I had to thank the person I exchanged patches with. So I don’t know if I’m in a good place to do it right now.

J is trying to figure out how to help me overcome whatever the issues are that are preventing me from doing my part to take care of the house. He seems to think it’s a lack of motivation and I guess that’s at least partially right. It’s an uphill battle, and I’d rather conserve my energy for other things. Also, I’ve never been that good at cleaning. If we could get it to the point where cleaners could actually do anything, we might have them help, but even that is hard. I can walk around picking shit up all day and you can’t even tell.

Anyway, he cautiously suggested an extrinsic reward system if I wouldn’t find that infantilizing. I don’t know how I would feel about it long term, but if it helped establish sustainable habits, I’d do it. It was when I was considering what the rewards might be that I had trouble. What I want most is free time (which J already gives me as much of as he can). And tattoos. Guess I need a big sticker chart? Hey, whatever works.

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