Sunday, Mar. 10, 2019 - 11:48 p.m.

Just writing all that out about the shoes has decreased my desire to do any such thing.

I read some twitter meme today the gist of which was “wow my younger self would have been really impressed with the awesome woman she turned out to be” and it made me want to cry because my teenage self would be completely fucking disappointed in me. I have done NOTHING I wanted to do and achieved nothing that counts as success in my own mind. I mean, there were moments but none of it endured. I am doing no meaningful work and I have no independence. I have people who love me and the value of that should not be underestimated but that’s not sufficient for me. But I have lost my vision, or I can’t pick a vision or I can’t pick one that I’m actually well suited for in the long run or I can’t concentrate or I make too many excuses. I don’t even know.

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