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Monday, Apr. 22, 2019 - 2:16 p.m.

Q wants to be able to start sleeping in her room. She wanted to wait until J was back. It needed some cleaning and she keeps asking me to clean it. I told her that I would but I am never sure when it’s ok to go in there, and I don’t want her to be mad that I have. She said, just a couple days ago, “Whenever. Any time.” So today I did. I vacuumed and washed the walls and ledges and picked up and was in the process of putting things back where they were when she came in and immediately started melting down.

Is in there screaming and trashing it now.

One of my young autistic FB friends was complaining about how much it upsets her when her parent comes in and cleans and picks up in her room. She too was very upset. And I hated it too when I was living at home. The difference being that Q is 9, and not yet doing it all on her own, still developing those skills, and she specifically asked me to do it.

I feel bad that she was so upset. I also feel bad that I now feel resentful. I haven’t been doing good at cleaning things lately and I haven’t kept up with my reward system at all and I managed to do that for her and she immediately trashed it. I am sad. It will make it harder for me to do things like that for her in the future.

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