Friday, Jun. 21, 2019 - 9:49 a.m.

Losing the road weight anyhow. Still higher than I want to be but only about 6 lbs over instead of 11.

Was reminded yesterday how not wearing makeup and not smiling when expected to really is a political act, and not one that is always easy. Sometime it is. It is an absence. But be a middle aged woman. Don’t wear makeup. Don’t smile. Be told over and over ironically that “you look so excited” “you look so happy” and unironically “you look tired”. It is not my job to look excited and happy and energetic. I am not doing this work. I like my face anyway. Mostly. I am working on it.

Any one person doesn’t mean to hurt, they’re trying to express sympathy maybe, I don’t know. Maybe they think I’m trying to be funny, or that they’re being funny. But cumulatively, it does affect me. Still. I will not perform in this way. I will not present that facade.

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