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Language Log

Tuesday, Jul. 16, 2019 - 8:34 p.m.

Today was not great.

We drove to meet J’s aunt, and it didn’t take long for U to start demanding food in the way he does, but rejected all the food actually available. It was relentless. I already personally have a hard time with sitting and listening to other people chat while trying to pretend I’m an interested participant...by “a hard time” I mean every bit of me is screaming to leave the situation while I struggle not to show it. When U started up I just wanted us to leave. I felt bad because J really did want to visit his aunt. I kept trying to redirect U and come up with a solution. J was trying to ignore us and visit and let me handle it, but I couldn’t. My handling would have been to leave.

Eventually we decided to go to my aunt’s and let Q swim in their pool. We drove through McDs and fed everyone. We got there. Tried to go in and Q balked. Started to head into meltdown. I tried to manage her, and U. She just wanted to go. I was right there with her but less shrieky. So we left.

I feel bad that J didn’t get the visiting time he wanted. But also kinda like it was obviously a mistake to bring...well, all of us neurodivergents. We can’t put on the happy family show. We just can’t. Not when you take us out of our comfort zones and demand masking and all that. I would have been ok by myself but I can’t manage kids who are themselves having difficulties in the circumstances.

Anyway by the time we were most of the way home and U was making some new unreasonable demand, I shut down. Made it into the house and took nap; woke up better.

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