Wednesday, Aug. 07, 2019 - 9:03 a.m.

E refusing school again today. And preschool is supposed to be the fun one. Have I mentioned I hate it? I don’t mind that most of the day is more peaceful and he and U aren’t getting into fights all day. That he has other kind adults to help him and teach him and other kids to observe and learn from. But I really thought he’d enjoy it more by now. Maybe the days are too long. 7 hours. And the unpredictability of the mornings is really hard on me.

J has all this travel coming up and if E isn’t going voluntarily by then I don’t know that I’ll be able to do it. I already can’t wrap my mind around having to get the other kids out the door just to take him. I can’t also have to spend all morning fighting him to do something I don’t strongly believe in.

Low mood today.

I did order 2 more scents from hexennacht:
Morphine—“Steamed milk, lavender buds, honeyed apricots, chamomile tea, honey, white amber.”
And Babooshka, for October— “slow-baked sweet gourds, Russian tea cookies, pipe tobacco, Autumnal spice accord, caramel, nutmeg, honey, coumarin, beeswax absolute, cardamom sugar, crushed apples, black pepper, liatrix absolute.”
And a sample of Corpse Bride—“Black roses, white amber, damp earth, vanilla, tonka, musk.” For whenever. Seems like August to me, but August will be half gone by the time it arrives.

She’s brilliant writing her descriptions. I take “slow-baked sweet gourds” to mean “pumpkin”, essentially. And “steamed milk”? What does that even smell like? She has milk and cream descriptors in a lot of the scents so maybe there’s something giving that note, but I have no idea what. Maybe it’s all atmosphere, like “tangled Christmas lights” in her Xmas blend. And “black roses” is just rose, of course. Even knowing that, it still sounds nice. I have another I might want for November if I can pry myself away from the Babooshka. And two choices to consider for December.

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