Monday, Aug. 19, 2019 - 8:43 a.m.

I redid the bat, did a test print, and it’s still just okay. It lacks the liveliness of line that a good block print has. But it’s just for fun so I am not going to worry about it excessively. It was a lot of work and I don’t want to have to carve 3 more of them, and I can’t get the sharpie from the old design off the block. So. Here we are. I don’t think it’ll look as good if I leave those parts blank, so I’ll have to figure it out somehow.

E went to school willingly today, and on time, too. He still wants J to stay all day but I think he is going to try to sit in the library at the school and work.

I posted about the situation in a FB group last week when it was going very badly, hoping someone would have some ideas one way or another. But people come in with things like, kids don’t need formal instruction until they’re 7, until then play is best, you can take him to playgrounds and do crafts and educational activities at home, even cooking with you. And yes, I know this already. Been saying that for 9 years myself. I had mentioned in my post that I was feeling guilty about not being better. When you say you have a limit and people are like “well, have you tried not having that limit?”.

Can we talk about how going to the playground involves me having to separately motivate 3 kids, only one of whom fully dresses herself, prep snacks and water because otherwise the entire time will be spent with them whining for snacks and water...then trying to get them to stop what they’re doing to get in the car...maybe they ask for food 3 times while I’m doing this and get in a couple fights too and I have to confiscate weapons and everyone is mad at me and I can’t just stay calm and get back on track after that...then we argue about what park to go to...then we get there, it’s too hot or too boring and the big one is done before the others get started and whines about it constantly or has a sensory meltdown...or the middle one does the thing with blocking the slide and I have to haul him off physically to avoid pissing off the other parents/kids. And maybe it wouldn’t take a toll on you, Karen, but half the time I have a meltdown on the way home or someone else does and THAT is not a viable homeschool plan. Same with any of those things. Cook together? Only if I want to add to the mess I can’t handle and break up fights when everyone is hungry because everyone will insist on being involved and jockeying for space and putting some salt in. Same with craft projects. That shit never gets cleaned up because I am not up to it for one reason or another and the mess adds to my troubles and it’s best to just avoid it ALL. But it sounds so fun, doesn’t it? “Just take them to the playground, do crafts and experiments at home, cook together”. I could do that with one. Sometimes with two. Not with three. Not these particular three. And I hate that fact but hating it don’t change it.

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