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Saturday, Sept. 28, 2019 - 12:36 p.m.

I did eat all the brownies. Packed, slept a little, left. Am back in TN now, recovering from jetlag, it’s U’s birthday.

While I was away I was kinda bored, didn’t do any of the art stuff I brought. Was very relaxed also (apart from city-related anxiety). I didn’t miss my kids at all. Hardly any anxiety-stimming. It wasn’t a balanced experience by any means, but I did what I wanted without external constraints and that was restorative.

They missed me. That was evident.

2 days back now, I haven’t really had to do anything, and I am beginning to feel...stressed. Depressed. Already. Again. Part of it is masking around the in-laws and having to talk about my trip while carefully leaving out the most important part of it. Part of it is the kids. Demands on my attention.

I did decide that I am going to try harder, again, with my business(es). The cyanotype jewelry. The embroidered stuff. Some way or another. I’ll feel better about everything if I have a little success in that department again. And money. I need money for tattoos, travel, and sin. And I suppose contributing to household expenses would be good too.

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