Thursday, Nov. 28, 2019 - 10:33 a.m.

Every year, performative gratitude irks me more. Mindfully being grateful as a practice, too. Which is not to say no one should do it, this is clearly a personal problem. I don’t think it’s that I am ungrateful. I do try to be aware of the good stuff in my life and keep a keen eye on ways it could suck but doesn’t. I try not to take things for granted. But STILL, listing things you’re grateful about publicly bugs me. I guess it’s the whole “This will make you a better, happier person. You want to be a better person, DON’T YOU?” And at thanksgiving, “Do it so we can see you being a good person”.

I dunno. If you’re doing it here, (Wordy) don’t worry about me, obviously a lot of people find it a meaningful practice. I’m just a cranky contrarian. I pick the strangest hills to die on.

Have made 2 pies. One more to go plus the dressing. Then it’s J’s turn to be in the kitchen. So strange to go through all this work for just the 6 of us. Growing up we almost always had someone to thanksgiving as a guest. It was usually Rosella (I cant begin to describe Rosella). I always kinda hated it but I understood that that’s what thanksgiving was for. J had never wanted to invite people we don’t know well to the meal itself (dessert after, sure) and that still feels wrong to me. Even though you know how I feel about socializing. It’s like the one day a year when I’m willing to do it (Christmas morning? NEVER). Tradition is tradition, the day always feels incomplete without someone I don’t really like bringing food I don’t really want to eat. Haha.

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