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Sunday, Dec. 01, 2019 - 8:41 a.m.

Checked my Patreon today and I lost one supporter before the payment processed...I don’t understand the math displayed on the page, but it went from $24 yesterday to $16 today. And a couple of the payments haven’t processed so I don’t know if I’ll net more than the $9 that has already processed, only $1 of which is from someone not related to me.

So I am trying to give away my work but I still tie my sense of worth to the money I can bring in. It’s hard to feel like I’m worth anything when people don’t find it worth paying for. Isn’t that value in our society? And it’s confirmed, internalized: perceptions of quality and enjoyment of things go up the more expensive they are. So I if give my work to people who don’t already know me well and value the relationship, they might not even appreciate the thing. It’s why it’s important that I keep the Etsy shop stocked. Some index for monetary value.

The person who left, he’s broke, I know he supports me in general, and I don’t hold it against him. Still makes me sad.

It doesn’t make it not worth doing. It’s good art, it’s meaningful, and it’s good praxis. I wish I could decouple my feelings of self-worth from finances.

I have a terrible head cold and I’m sitting upstairs where it’s <60 degrees. I can hardly type.

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