Wednesday, Dec. 18, 2019 - 11:13 p.m.

In the end, there was no particular disappointment today. Maybe that I didn’t get as much done as I had hoped (now officially behind on that bracelet order, and I didn’t list anything else on Etsy), but that’s standard procedure around here.

Yeah, I’m very self-conscious and wary and a little defensive of having any sort of “spiritual” practice, even if it’s well grounded in psychology. Even if I love the symbolism and imagery. I’ve always been reflective but self-help makes me feel...manipulated.

Unrelatedly
I’ve spoken with 2 people in the last couple of days who believe themselves to be damaged or bad people because they don’t fit in well socially no matter what. People don’t like them. I relate to that in a big way, of course...but somehow I’ve made peace with it. Maybe I’m more willing to turn around and blame it on the other people? Or maybe just say yeah, there’s something I don’t do right but I don’t have the time or interest to try to figure it out at this point. Maybe if I didn’t have my family it would be harder. I’d have the spoons to reach out and still be hurt. Hate seeing my friends getting down on themselves for it, though.

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