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Saturday, Jan. 04, 2020 - 11:56 p.m.

Wore a pair of the new socks today. They’re very comfortable. I like the feeling of having tights on but warmer and without the irritating waist part that always slides down and makes my crotch 3-4 inches too low.

Jewelry: almost done with a batch of several earrings and a couple pendants. I worked on pieces for the next price point up, they have quite a bit more work in them (they’re kinda fiddly to arrange initially) and I think they look nice. Need a few more of that style and then I’ll think about what I can do for the higher end pieces.

This evening was another train wreck for me. I basically ended up hiding in a blanket fort in the bedroom instead of participating in family dinner. My mom got here, there was a brief period of time when she was alone and she started complaining loudly about how she was so glad she came to visit only to get left all by herself. And then something in me just seized up, I felt a rigid inflexible wall in my head, and when J’s parents came over a few minutes later, I just couldn’t join them. I suddenly realized that this is the “trouble meeting everyday demands” part. These are exactly things that should not be hard, but are. For whatever reason. Really, really hard. I don’t really want to be making everyone upset. The fact that I am makes it harder to not do it though. If they would give up on me and stop worrying about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, it would be so much easier for me to do exactly the things that they wish I were.

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