Sunday, Jan. 12, 2020 - 9:26 p.m.

Thought process:
It’s dinner. Birthday dinner. Pizza. I’m not hungry. I don’t want to eat. I ate a large lunch and a cookie and some cake off-trimmings.

MIL: I hope you’ll come join us at dinner
Me: yes, I will

I clean up in the kitchen. I decide to try to eat to be a good citizen.
I go to get pizza. I see the piece I want. It’s the last piece of the kind U likes, pepperoni and mushroom. I can’t have it. I don’t want any others. I don’t want the cheese or the pepperoni or the whatever the other one was. I say never mind and I leave. I don’t make a big fuss about it, I just tell J and go back to the kitchen. He comes to offer me other things. I don’t want them. I only wanted the piece I can’t have.

I do things in the kitchen. I feel bad because I was gonna try but I don’t want to eat, the only thing I wanted at all I can’t have, why should I eat something else I don’t want just for other people’s satisfaction.

I hear my mother saying something about how I am still so busy I haven’t even eaten yet.

I feel angry. I am DOING THINGS.

Now I’m angry because I’m not hungry and they want me to eat and the piece I wanted isn’t available and they won’t shut up about how I am spending my time.

U never eats the piece I wanted but didn’t really want. Now I’m mad because if I eat, I have to eat cold pizza. All that’s left for me is cold pizza.

I make the colored frosting. I’m hungry now.

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