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Wednesday, May. 06, 2020 - 7:05 a.m.

The mornings start out nice. It’s cool out, I sit on the bench swing out front, drink tea, water the plants, talk with J if he’s up.

Then as soon as a kid gets up I get incredibly sleepy. Lose all motivation. Have to rest between everything I do. Eventually, around noon I need to sleep. And again a few hours later. And again at night before bed. I have no capacity for dealing with frustration or helping one person after another. The things are never done and they’re mostly stupid things. Get me orange juice. No not in that cup. Make us popsicles. I want strawberries. Bounce on me bounce on me bounce on me FIGHT can I have some ice cream...on and on. So tired. And it’s run back and forth responding to demands or (“you’re the parent, you don’t have to do it”) have some kid screaming on the ground in abject grief. Or one picking fights with another one because now his feelings are dysregulated.

Just wanna leave the house.
Nowhere I can go.

Supposed to be 105 today. I said that yesterday but it bears repeating.

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