Friday, Aug. 21, 2020 - 8:10 p.m.

Today has been even more of a struggle. Hard to get started on anything. A lot of laying down and staring or scrolling on my phone. Tired. I even managed to burn water.

I rallied in the afternoon and did a couple prints that turned out well, that got me going for a couple hours but then it got too dark and now I’m stuck again. I could scan my prints. Make new negatives for the next batch. I have a jewelry order I need to finish, I should have already finished, and what’s the holdup? I don’t know.

In an ideal world I’d be able to tell anyone, I’m so sorry, I’m having a depressive episode/ I’m hypomanic rn/ whatever and they’d just get it and be like “oh, word” and cut you the slack you need.

Harry Thompson the PDA guy was saying something about how he was still very close to people who had done heinous things to him because he understands how it is to lack control over one’s emotions and how one acts on them. So there was reconciliation and forgiveness possible that comes from understanding human failings. He even discussed narcissistic responses in a way that was very empathetic. “It seems silly that they’re having this break down because someone’s said they aren’t the best...floor mopper...or whatever. They have no choice. All of their self worth comes from outside themselves and so that’s it. They have no choice in the matter.” And how that normal sort of moral indignation at seeing someone do something bad to someone else breaks down when you have this kind of perspective. Yes they’re being a cunt but maybe they haven’t the capacity to do otherwise, no reason to do otherwise today, perhaps they really have no choice in the matter, it’s an automatic response that they have no capacity to inhibit. Traditional moral judgments become much harder to maintain in the face of a true understanding of neurodiversity.

All of which is to say I didn’t mean to almost set the kitchen on fire.

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