Tuesday, Sept. 29, 2020 - 2:41 p.m.

Today I have the depression energy of stay in bed all day rocking and staring at the wall and the hypomania energy of racing creative thoughts, but like not good creative thoughts, just frustrated and angry creative thoughts.

Today I thought “I want to make artwork that makes people ask me if I’m ok when they see it”. Also “surrealist embroidery” and “horror appliqué”. Also really taken with the idea of doing embroidery that looks how the sort of sensory saturation I enjoy about hard impact play feels. Yes I want to make embroidery that looks how being caned feels. But like I’m also angry about it because fuck embroidery. Fuck textile arts in general. Yes I realize this is all absurd, both separately and especially when considered as a whole.

Not the best birthday mood.

And I’m upset because I took my birthday off my FB info or thought I did but apparently everyone got notifications about it anyway so I’m demand-angry at 40-odd very nice people who wished me happy birthday.

I don’t know what I even want to do or what I could do to improve my mood. I’m sure the pie will help but that’s not for hours.

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