Wednesday, Jun. 23, 2021 - 4:03 p.m.

My cousins decided to come into town. It’s my engineer cousin I have nothing in common with and his wife who is nice and their grandson I have never met. People say I have to go to dinner with them and my mom. I do not want to. J went last night. He did not have to. I do not want to. I am gradually becoming paralyzed by my not wanting to. I feel my mind doing the mind version of going limp when the police try to arrest you. I have jewelry work to do and instead I’m gradually shutting down.

This isn’t good for me and why do I have to go. I don’t understand it. Or I should say, I do understand it but I am willing to disregard these social conventions. I don’t mind if people get upset with me and don’t talk to me. I would rather like that result actually. So why do I have to do this.

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