Thursday, Jun. 24, 2021 - 3:54 p.m.

Was in a mood all morning, struggling with various things, an upswell of negative thoughts. Came back from our lunch out and had a meltdown. I don’t know what triggered it. Napped. Now I’m fine. It’s like the pressure builds, there’s an audible pop, I pass out, and when I wake it’s ok again.

Probably at least partly due to going out to dinner last night. In case anyone thinks that these things are merely normal levels of unpleasant for me. Instead it’s a buildup of stress I can’t vent (no matter how much I vent), huge amounts of deferred mental pain, before I finally am able to reset.

I wonder whether I could start enjoying things for the wrong reasons and that would help me enjoy them, period.

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