powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

Language Log

Friday, Jul. 02, 2021 - 9:34 p.m.

Today was less good. E was very whiny about something new every half hour it felt like. Then toward the end of the already long day, there was an incident with Q, who had tried to hand me her mask through the door but I didn’t know that and shut the door on the mask— I don’t think I got her fingers thank goodness but it was close and it certainly startled her, and she lashed out at me, yelling at me and punching me in the back very suddenly before I even knew what I’d done. Then I went into shutdown, and she came back to punch me more.

I 100% understand how extreme the startle reaction can feel for her. But I wish she shut down like me instead of throwing punches and yelling mean things.

Or if she showed any regret or remorse or acknowledgement that it wasn’t the best way to handle it. But she doesn’t. Even E tried to offer me a bite of his cake pop right after than and she yelled “No!” at him because she didn’t want me to have anything nice. She was calm by then. We don’t treat her like that and it makes me sad that she does that to us. She will say yes, my crying and being shut down did make her feel better and is something I deserve. I don’t like that. I don’t like how it makes me feel about her. I don’t press her for apologies or anything. I would just like to receive a little spontaneous kindness or gentleness.

I didn’t spend long stuck— I was stuck in one position for a couple minutes but I had the mask on and it was hard to breathe and my nose was running into the mask/drooling into the mask and I managed to move to pull the mask off and that got me going again. But I was fairly miserable for a good while and eventually took a reset nap. I still feel kinda unhappy.

previous next

Leave a note