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Monday, Apr. 04, 2022 - 12:13 p.m.

Q starting her new school today. Interested to see how it goes. She’s bored and she wants to learn. It’s one on one, no other students in the room with her. The people seem chill and understanding. Fingers crossed. For today I’m just sitting here in the car for 2 hours.

Five days a week is a lot. J can take her 2x a week. It’s just far enough away that it doesn’t make sense to drop her off and come home again and then go back and pick her up. And I can’t leave Uly at home by himself. In the past he’s proven to be the single most stressful thing about anyone doing anything. He complains and tells me to go home the entire time. Or asks for food or something else he knows damn well I can’t provide. Hoping I can get J to spend time with him one day, and then I’ll only have to bring him 2 days. Which is still too much.

The timing is terrible for my job. I can’t just get up and work earlier, because the better jobs don’t come up that early. There only start to be options around 9:30 or 10. And then the length of it and my window to turn it in becomes an issue. Then I’ll have to make food for everyone when I get home and then pick up E and then I’ll be exhausted. Need to exercise and stretch (which I can do early I guess). So I won’t be able to make nearly as much unless I find some strategy I wasn’t aware of.

I’m in a weird space where while I don’t want this income to feel so essential that I HAVE to do it at this rate all the time, because then I won’t want to, but also I don’t like to feel like it’s some hobby I should just discontinue when it’s inconvenient. It’s actually been very very beneficial to my mental health, to be able to contribute and have certain other things without guilt about spending household money on them. Tattoos. Trips to the UK. Skin care products. My hunger for all these things is unabated.

Do I have to do my part in providing an education for Q? Yes. Obviously. And since the homeschooling wasn’t working, this is our best option. So I need to find a way to work around it. I just don’t like it.


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