Friday, Jun. 17, 2022 - 11:16 p.m.

The visual I get being here is me on a tightrope and people continually handing me things to hold until my arms are full and I have to keep walking. Don’t drop anything. Don’t fall. You must take what is handed you. We expect no less.

I occasionally get little intrusive mantras going through my head, repeated sing song particularly when I’m anxious or at low tide. Usually it’s: I don’t like you I don’t want you I don’t need you (the “you” is me, the I is… probably also me)
Now it’s: how shall I fail how shall I fail how shall I fail

And I don’t mean to be dramatic but that’s just one more thing, isn’t it? One more demand: don’t be dramatic.

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