Saturday, Sept. 17, 2022 - 6:29 p.m.

Well, yeah. When I do the mental exercise of pretending I don’t have the jewelry business and just can do whatever, I know the feeling of not wanting to do the whatever either. Or of thinking, okay, photography it is. How can I make this photography thing work? And becoming really lost and depressed about that.

I will always pressure myself to do some undefinable “more”. Without a clear idea of what that might look like, that’s a recipe for disaster. And I have no intuition.

So now I’m leaning away from quitting jewelry, because the jewelry business takes the pressure off the other things in some way I don’t understand.

Not that I’m going to feel like making more once I’ve gotten this order off.

Actually did a Tarot reading for it. Pros (of discontinuing the jewelry box)/cons/other things to consider. For pros, got 6 of swords reversed: I’m at a personal transition point with this and am resisting making the change. Maybe there’s stuff I’m still working through before I can, but I need to get it sorted. Cons, Justice: there will be some important consequences to choosing to end it. I may not be able to just start again, it’ll be definitive and I’ll have to live with that. I should be sure in my decision and ready to stand by it. Other considerations, 5 of swords reversed: I have had internal conflict around these issues for a while, and it’s time to bring it to a conclusion one way or another, be it compromise or an ending.

So, there we go. Helpful! (It was, actually. My current thinking is now that I should not quit but I don’t need to stress over growing it, either. If it stays and earns it’s keep and serves as a lure to attract my frustration away from my other interests, it may be worth it. My photography may thrive better with the jewelry interfering than without it.

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