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Language Log

Wednesday, Oct. 05, 2022 - 10:00 p.m.

Just removing 2 people from the crowd here, any 2, and I can get more things done. I’m spending a lot of time driving. E at 8, Q at 11:45 and 1:15, E again at 3:30. Q’s trip take 15-20 minutes each way and I wish I had something to do other than come home for an hour, but I mostly don’t. It’s tricky with the timing for Rev so I haven’t been able to work much. This evening I wanted to work but she wanted to talk about books, so I did that instead. When she’s relaxed and happy and interested it makes me feel good. And that she wants to talk to me.

So I had wanted to clean the house while they were gone but it hasn’t progressed well on weekdays. I did vacuum in the bedroom a little. I got the sourdough starter going again and will hopefully be able to make some good bread again soon. The mornings have been nice and it rained again so I’m pulling weeds while I can. The entire west side of the house had gotten overgrown with tall grass and even a mesquite tree sprouting right next to the house and I managed to cut it down (it’ll regrow) and pull the grass and weeds from half of it. I hope to finish over the next couple days before the ground dries out.

I managed to do my lower body stretching routine yesterday. I’m sore today. Just to connect the dots about why I resist the summer travel so much: I still haven’t gotten back into routine. I fell out of it when we left in June and now it’s October. I was fine till we left. Even in Wales I managed to do my stretches. It was only a week there. But the prolonged travel throws me and then it’s hard to reestablish. I’ve lost a lot of my flexibility and I can only hope that I will have regained it by the end of the year. I can’t even say that I’m back in the routine now, just that I did it yesterday.

Some strength lost too but I’ve been better about that. And I gain strength more quickly than flexibility.

I was quite taken by a ridiculous “kimono” sold by a company for whom I am not the target market. It was a sheer, flowing, iridescent garment with fluffy purple trim, intended for very young women who go to festivals or raves. I can’t help but think that I’m somehow both too old and too young for such an item, which of course makes me want it. And of course there’s my affect, which makes the whole thing even weirder. The price was absurd or I might give in to the urge.

That line between, yes, I should dress in a way that makes me happy without regard to age, but also I don’t want to be _unintentionally_ ridiculous, nor a caricature of myself as Quentin Crisp warned against. And while we’re at it, let’s throw in there that I’m fully aware one cannot control how anyone perceives you when you’re doing something non-standard, so perhaps it’s not worth trying to take into account at all whether one will be seen as ridiculous or not. But surely these things can in fact be controlled to large extent by careful choices so one should start from the impression one wants to give, if that’s a goal at all, and work one’s way back. Or choose not to care.

But also, I don’t leave the house (or car) often and in the house, it’s usually too warm or there’s a cat who’s going to get her claws stuck in it. I worry I’m buying things for an imaginary life, just as the marketers intend.

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