Monday, Oct. 17, 2022 - 2:54 p.m.

I have been working hard all day to try to get the house in better shape, I cleaned the bathroom completely and part of the bedroom. And took care of some other things. I’m exhausted now.

I have been trying to figure out why I am so much more productive and efficient when J is away. Part of it (a big part) is taking a child with him. Part of it is the effect of reducing other demands on my attention and time (largely connected with said removal of child). But that’s not all of it I don’t think and I’m not quite able to put my finger on the rest. Perhaps my sense of autonomy is increased, not having to coordinate with anyone, not being nudged, as well as not having my attentional flow disrupted. I tend to think it’s the clarity around who is to do what (if I’m it, there’s no question) and my near total control over what that looks like, then. My knowing the schedule, because it’s my schedule.

I don’t know what to do about it exactly. I’d like to foster these conditions all the time but I don’t know how. One has to coordinate.

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