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Language Log

Tuesday, Nov. 08, 2022 - 7:03 p.m.

Made bread today, and roasted a pumpkin and then strained off the juice and boiled it down and made it into pumpkin caramel. So good. I haven’t figured out what to do with it yet so I may just eat it with a spoon.

Was tired all day though. That kind where my brain just keeps trying to shut off and not restart.

Did less transcription than I intended, but it was a small miracle that I did any. I vacuum in the casita every few days but still I develop a cough when I’m over there very long. Cat. Was over there too long today I guess.

I had formed the intention of trying to get my shit together and take part in the holiday promotion on the wholesale website, but it turns out it already started. Well, anyway. I did list one group of earrings. Good for me. I’ll try to add more and I guess they’ll sell eventually. Or not. Whatever.

We won the lottery. $7.

Talked to mom the other day and here’s the thing. She was mad about me not calling her back and all. “I am really upset that you don’t even listen to my messages or return my calls.” Okay.

I considered whether I had violated a boundary. I had not. I simply wasn’t doing what she wants me to do.

I don’t really see how I’m responsible for her emotions about that. She spent a long time teaching me I was, that it was my job to respond the way she wanted me to respond or she was going to give me a piece of her mind. And I don’t know that I’ve unlearned it, so much as just don’t care anymore. She won’t be the first person who wanted to hear from me more often. I didn’t consent to this relationship, I don’t agree that I have a duty to coddle her emotions and play some role just because she’s decided she would like that. And it’s not that I want to hurt her feelings or make her feel unvalued, I just can’t be that and am done trying.

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