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Language Log

Wednesday, Aug. 03, 2011 - 8:42 p.m.

I'm becoming very cross about everything. Every single thing is getting to me.

You know how when you see a box of doughnuts that you believe to be full because someone just brought it 5 minutes ago and you form a plan regarding the eating of a doughnut, and then you open the box to discover that some piggy asshole has eaten 3/4 of the doughnuts already, including the one you had been planning to eat? That has happened to me twice today. Well, the second time, I had revised my beliefs about the contents of the box to reflect that fact that we've all been together all day and so how could more doughnuts disappear in our collective absence? But they did. I go to a box which I believed held perhaps 4 doughnuts, but there was only half of one kind I don't even like.

Not that this is anyone's fault, just, why do they have to eat so many doughnuts? For fucks' sake! There are only four of us! And I only had one! And mil only had half of one! And there were a dozen to start out with!

You see what I mean. I am going nuts. Bil goes home in the morning. But the parents are here for over another week. All my petty frustrations get channeled into feelings of possessiveness of Q. I really cannot distinguish anymore between what is a rational concern and what is just me trying to assert control because I'm sick of being unthinkingly bossed around. Little stuff like being offhandedly instructed to put ice in her sippy cup so it will stay cold when we go out. Hello? I am in charge of the sippy cup. Don't fucking tell me what to do! So petty, but so frequent. Someone is used to being in charge. But if I make a big deal out of it, then I'm the one being difficult, right?

Reminds me just a bit of my ex boyfriend, who was always telling me to do shit I was fixin to do anyway. Like I'd be opening the car door and he'd yell, "get in the car!". Asshole. And then if I'd call him on it, it was always a big scene.

I just have a thing about not taking orders, well-intentioned or not. And trying to disguise them'sa's suggestions with "why don't you..." or "you want to...?" doesn't work.

Ok, guess I've got that off
my chest for now. Until tomorrow.

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