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Wednesday, Jul. 31, 2019 - 2:13 p.m.

We got home last night. I was struck by how horrible our house is. I managed to clean the spot next to the sink so I can try my plan with the dishes. One small thing. The rest of the house is as overwhelming as it was when we left. I want to clean the bathroom next.

I got up at 7 this morning because E came in to get his clothes. He starts school tomorrow. He doesn’t want to. I don’t want to make him. I should try to think about the best case scenario, but best case scenarios seem to be even rarer than worst case scenarios.

Everyone else woke shortly after. I had no protected alone morning time, which I’ve been looking forward to since we left on the trip. It looks like I will not get any any more. E will go to school and J will be out the door to take him. Only later in the afternoon when I am too tired to do anything and already at the end of my rope will I have alone time. I will get nothing more done on my art project.

I already feel myself slipping. I have cried 3 separate times today, and it’s only 2:30pm. One time was because E busted my lip with his head.

Oh yes, yesterday we went to a little restaurant in Deming. We were the only customers. The owner wouldn’t let M switch her chair with the chair at another table. “We don’t do that here”, and physically stopped her. Then she told E he couldn’t play with the salt and pepper shakers or the sugar packet holder (which he wasn’t taking the packets out of). It was a weird flex but we respected it of course. E had a tantrum about it. And the owner asked me if there were “issues” there. I said yes, we have issues. It was the first time E has been mistaken for the neurodivergent one. I let it be because it seemed like the only way to get a degree of understanding from her. Thank goodness the big kids stayed on good behavior. The food was good but I was not very comfortable.

That perfume oil I ordered arrived and I like it a lot. I didn’t need to develop a perfume oil habit, but here we are.
Edited to add: mom asked today if E was looking forward to school tomorrow and I said no, he was dead set against. And she said “well that’s just something we all have to do whether we like it or not”, and I want to withdraw him immediately just to show her how wrong she is. “We” don’t “have to” do any such thing, you uncritical herd animal. This is all very illustrative of her total lack of imagination and my own knee-jerk responses to her.

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