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Language Log

Saturday, Mar. 07, 2020 - 6:59 p.m.

Finished the dress. She tried it on and it seems a little snug but also she didn’t take the shirt she was wearing off first so hopefully it’ll be fine when she wears it for real.

A lot of loudness today has me on edge. A lot of unpredictable noise and people talking all at once is like...like when you’re driving in a torrential downpour and the windshield wipers can keep up and your leaning forward trying to see. I actually feel like I can’t see when all my kids are talking and iPads are on and whatever else and I’m trying to do something. I have to slow way down or go right off the road. I mean it’s not literally my vision but it sort of seems like it is.
Saying “trouble concentrating” doesn’t really capture the experience. And U got hungry and mad that I was helping Q with dinner rolls and was just yelling at the top of his lungs whenever she tried to read the instructions to me and it fucking wrecked me and she couldn’t think either and she just kept reading the same instruction over and over and I was like PUT THE FUCKIN THING IN THE MICROWAVE JESUS FUCK Ok I didn’t say that but it was a near thing.

Mom comes in while I’m trying to help Q make rolls and there’s already noise and she adds to it with her blabbing and asks me questions so I’m supposed to also make conversation while I’m in this state of blindness. And I mean I understand memory issues and when I have more brain space I try to be kind since my own memory is also ducked albeit in different ways but she has to ask me questions about my T-shirt that she’s seen and asked about many times before already ANTON ITS ANTON CHEKOV HE WAS A FAMOUS WRITER I LIKE VERY MUCH, SHALL I RECOUNT FOR YOU HIS MANY PLAYS AND SHORT STORIES SHALL I LAVISH POETIC PRAISE UPON HIS UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY AND SKILL AT CHARACTER DECELOPMENT AS WELL AS HIS FAMOUS RUSSIAN PATHOS

And then after that she interrupts something else I was doing to ask about the skin on my arms, the sun damage I have had on my arms these very same arms since my mid 20s, I said can we just please not talk about my body please she says what’s wrong with your body I said nothing I don’t want to have to account for every mark on my skin that’s been there for 20 years tho thanks I am trying not to screw up this frozen pie and I can’t talk about my body while I am doing it ok thanks

Somebody sedate me

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