Monday, Aug. 31, 2020 - 10:06 p.m.

Entry 3

Someone in an autistic FB group said something about how neurotypicals don’t sit around wondering whether they might be autistic, just like cis people don’t sit around questioning their gender category. I don’t know about either of those things. I didn’t until I did. Maybe some do? I wonder.

I took an online test for adhd and scored moderate adhd. I watched a video tonight talking about how adhd brains aren’t as sensitive to dopamine, so they seek it out a lot more. The 3-4 main sources of dopamine they mentioned are basically the motivating factors for my entire life. Personal interest, challenges, new or novel. I don’t like new or novel in many things but! Get me a new challenging personal interest and there you go. My entire life has been about seeking these out and cycling them around so they stay new and challenging over and over.

Would I want to medicate to get rid of that? I don’t fuckin think so. What would I even do with my life? Be happy vacuuming? Lol

Also one loses dopamine receptors with age. So maybe that’s why it seems worse now. Among other things.

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