Saturday, Apr. 15, 2023 - 8:31 p.m.

Things I am worrying about today:

1. What I’m supposed to wear to my tattoo appointment tomorrow. It’s on my upper thigh and I don’t want my shorts getting tattoo ink on them but… I don’t want to just take my pants off if that’s not the done thing. I messaged him to ask but no response yet and so of course I’m concerned that’s now he’s going to cancel because I asked a stupid question.

2. I went and got more of the cheapo veggies. I haven’t mentioned my tomato habit (or have I, over and over?) but it’s now my samefood. This absurd tomato salad. Anyway I have SO MANY cucumbers stockpiled and WHAT DO I DO I cannot eat pickles at this rate.

Relatedly though I have been indulging in my little late spring eating disorder which I like to think of as “How I like to eat” and so I eat my absurd tomato salad and then later have some soup I made out of other vegetables or something and I’m good for the day pretty much, I don’t want to eat another meal. Or like today I had some roasted butternut squash and then later at like 4pm a sloppy joe and now I want my tomatoes but it’s getting to that season where we start talking about going to TN and I already have anxiety about meal-related social behaviors and expectations.

What if I go to dinner but don’t want to eat because I just had my tomatoes? I get harassed. People will question me about my tomato habit. Or really my habit of not eating the quantity and type of foods they prefer at the times they prefer for themselves. What if I don’t go to dinner because I don’t want to be harassed? J gets harassed about why I didn’t go. And by “harassed” I mean subject to paternalistic conversation and questions about my motivations for eating tomatoes at odd times. Or peaches, peaches are always involved too. “She won’t eat the supper I made because she just had a quart of gazpacho 20 minutes before dinner!” JUST LET ME EAT MY TOMATOES

So that’s brewing.

�