Sunday, Jun. 25, 2023 - 9:38 p.m.

Well, yesterday was a really good day and had it continued unabated I may have had another productive day. But instead I had this and now am overwhelmed by the prospect of having to get totally ready to go in basically two days with a concert in between. Figuring out what to do with the vegetables alone feels like a lot. I had wanted to get jewelry done today but instead I was panicking about lunch with mom, having lunch with mom, or recovering from lunch with mom. And the pottery class in 108 degree heat. So dehydrated.

On such days I get all bunched up, as you may have noticed, clogged with negative thoughts about myself. I hate it all so intensely and yet feel I’m a self centered prick for being bothered so deeply. None of my problems are real fucking problems. Not even as bad as not being able to afford cigarettes when your addiction is making you short tempered. Which should be trivial. But the spiral is real, even if ridiculous and unjustifiable. And that’s what gets me, that’s the cost of trying to be a good daughter.

Made some good corn and zucchini chowder tonight. Smoky with chipotle and smoked paprika. I still have 3 zucchini and several yellow squash to consume in the next day or two.

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