Sunday, Dec. 10, 2023 - 9:43 a.m.

Yeah, not feeling much better. Haven’t been able to bring myself to open the computer much less dispute the grade that laid me low. Having a hard time redirecting my attention, though, too. I should either dispute it and then go back to work or quit, but I just feel like avoiding it all. Which is like quitting but less decisive, a huge dollop of shame alongside.

I’m just not good enough at much of anything. Like J said, I could mop floors for 2 days a week and make what I was making at rev. But let’s not address the fact that I wouldn’t be able to keep a job mopping floors either.

The funny thing is I was already working on a calligraphy piece that says “dabble deeply” and am 99% of the way there for the design, drawn letters. It would make a great linocut for a shirt or a patch, it would make a great embroidery piece, or paper cut. But now I feel kind of empty about it.

I need a new tattoo but I’m never gonna be able to afford it at this rate.

I can complain but when I haven’t even tried all the things I KNOW I should be doing for the jewelry business (like a mailing list. How dumb am I?), how can I talk. Just rage against reality and curse it for not conforming to my preferences.

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